Hello, I’m the guy wearing the shirts in most of the pictures. I started SmartTorso.com in 2006 (it was ‘Esoteric Tees’ back then) and it’s since grown to a cool little business working with people in Utah, Las Vegas, Texas, and North Carolina. Pretty sweet.

The Bio of Jim Barlow:

I’ve lived a pretty normal life, like any other man my age has. I spent the first 5 years of my life studying the arts; finger painting, macaroni pictures, light bright, the usual. By age seven I was riding elephants competitively in South Africa and engaging in full contact chess. I was nearly a fully developed man by age 8.

Philosophy has always been a passion of mine – I’ve spent long, lonely nights wondering why world hunger exists, and why vibrating shoes don’t. I finished 2nd in the South American Hand Writing contest, 3rd in the Turkish Nude Olympics. Zac Efron has my number on speed dial. I send him to voicemail.

I once single handedly commanded an entire fleet of fully trained and dangerously equipped carrier pigeons through Kentucky with limited visibility and caution. I don’t like pigeons. Using nothing but a paper clip and a stale box of Corn Flakes I once saved a child from certain drowning and personally nursed him back to health in under a fortnight. Barack Obama named his pet rock after me. Joe Biden named his pet rock after Barack’s. I don’t believe in pet rocks.

On my days off I invent new yoga positions and teach classical arm wrestling to the blind. On Wednesdays I order drinks from the Thursday menu at TGI Fridays. It’s always happy hour when I order. I strategically place Christmas Lights on Jewish People’s houses during Kwanza. My motive is chaos, my aphrodisiac suspense, and my middle name is Verl. When I buy one I get two free.