FAQ

The shirts may be funny, but are they good enough quality to wear around town and to fancy parties?

Yes.

All of our shirts are screen printed with high-quality plastisol inks (not the hippy water-based stuff that will wash off after a year) on pre-shrunk 100% COTTON shirts. The weight/thickness of the fabric goes from 5.5oz to 6.1oz, depending on the shirt style.


What size of shirt should I get?

You can use this handy reference chart, and compare those measurements with whatever you’re wearing right now.

Or you can send us your physical measurements, along with a topless photo of yourself, and our experts will pick the best fit for you. (Note: ladies only)


Why did you change the name of the site? I thought EsotericTees.com was a witty name.

Thank you. We thought it was clever, too.

But after two years of doing business under the EsotericTees name, we got tired of having to define ‘esoteric’ to 85% of the people who saw the name, and having to spell the site name repeatedly to every bank, business associate, or person who asked us the WDYDFAL? question… It was time for a change.


I want to better understand the SmartTorso team. Who are you? Do you frequent the same social avenues that I do, and can we hang out sometime?

For that, you will want to check out the About Us page.


Where are you located?

The company’s home is Salt Lake City, Utah, but all shirts are printed in North Carolina and shipped from our facility in Texas.


You’re from Utah? In that case I have a personal question for you.

Seven and a half inches.


Your shirts are funny. Where do you come up with ideas?

When George Frideric Handel (1685-1759) was asked what inspired him to write the famous Hallelujah Chorus of his Messiah oratorio, he said that while composing his mind was opened up in a glorious vision. “I did see all heaven open before me and the great God Himself.” He described hearing a choir of angels singing before him with unspeakable beauty, and to compose he had but to write down the notes he heard them sing. It is said that while writing his valet would often find him weeping silently at his desk, overcome by the beauty and majesty of the music that was flowing from his pen.

We follow the same basic method.


I have an idea for a shirt.

Submit it.

Whenever we have a new shirt brainstorming session, customer submissions are always the first ones considered.


How much will I get paid for my shirt idea?

If we like your idea and use it (or make a shirt based on a version of your idea), you get a cool $100. If we don’t like it, you can keep it. (The idea, not the money. We keep the money.)


Some of your shirts make fun of Conservatives, while others make fun of Liberals. What side of the political fence are you on?

We’re not on either side of the fence. And we’re not straddling the fence, either. We’re not even near the fence. We’re across the street, laughing and throwing water balloons at everybody. Good one, high-five!


I happened to take German in High School, and Nietzsche’s name is pronounced ‘Neet-sheh,’ not ‘Neet-shee.’ You are retarded, and I’m telling all of my friends to stay away from your site.

Good for you. Run along, now, and let the world bask in the brilliance of your staggering intellect.

 

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Hello! This is Jim (the guy in the pictures). If you came here to buy a shirt, sorry to disappoint. This site no longer accepts orders, but you can still browse around and look at the designs, jokes, or email me to say hello.

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